By: Greg Payne
I've been in a television relationship with Burn Notice for about five years now.
And at first, like with any new relationship, things felt fresh. There were new characters in Michael, Fiona, Sam, and Madeline. There was an interesting spin on the tale of the spy, confining Michael to Miami as he sought to figure out who burned him (fired him, in spy talk). There were explosions and manipulations and solid cover stories, and it was all pretty fun for a while.
But after a season or two -- three at the max -- things began to feel a little repetitive. Week after week it was much of the same: Michael begins each episode pursuing who burned him, ends up getting sidetracked by taking on a client, spends the majority of each episode helping said client, and wraps things up by inching ever closer to who's responsible for him no longer having a job. Lather, rinse, repeat.
After a while, being a fan of Burn Notice was like being in a steady relationship with that girl. She's pretty, sure, but not a total fox. But she has such a great personality, and she's so nice, and she means so well that you routinely try and repress the fact that you're not as overwhelmingly attracted to her as you should be, choosing instead to focus on the other positives: Her personality, the way she laughs at all of your jokes, even if they suck, the way she does your laundry and asks you not to move your propped up feet as she vacuums the living room.
At the end of the day you can't escape the feeling that she's safe, that the whole thing is just safe. But for some reason, even though you know you should probably get out early before things get too serious, you keep coming back for more. Even though your heart isn't totally in it, you just can't bring yourself to break up with her because she just means so damn well all the time. So you keep coming back for more, and, shocker, it's always the same. You go to the same restaurant for dinner every Friday, order the same food, are handled by the same waitress, and then you go back home and throw a movie on. The movie might change, but the night doesn't. There's nothing wrong with her. At all. Great girl. You just feel like maybe she's not right for you. She's perfect for someone else. But maybe not for you.
It doesn't take long for you to feel guilty. You watch the supermodels of the television world, like The Wire, and The Sopranos, which is the equivalent of going to clubs and ogling the hottest women there with your tongue hanging out. And then you go home and you feel a completely unjustifiable sense of frustration that she isn't them.
Burn Notice tried to shake things up a few seasons back by adding another spy, Jesse Porter, to the mix, which is like your girl slimming down a bit, making her more attractive. Clearly she was making an effort to better herself for you, but soon the slimmed down version of her became just as repetitive as the original model.
Season 6 of Burn Notice began a few weeks back. I wasn't excited for it. I was overjoyed for the return of Suits, which airs right after Burn Notice, which is the equivalent of being more excited to see your girlfriend's hotter best friend than your actual girlfriend. The season premiere just seemed desperate. There were attempts to have some emotionally weighted scenes, with Michael yelling about the need to get Fiona out of prison, and the episode incorporated many different action elements. But it didn't feel genuine, and it made everything kind of awkward. It was like Jennifer Connelly in He's Just Not That Into You when she locks Bradley Cooper in his office (unaware that ScarJo is in the closet) and attempts to be sexy and seduce him in an effort to save their marriage, but it comes across as just really uncomfortable as she pulls like 400 feet of blouse out of her skirt just to get to that corset-looking thing.
So you're more frustrated than ever, because the whole thing just feels tired now. Not even safe anymore. Just tired. So you stop tuning in at its regularly scheduled time, which is just like not answering her calls, texts, or Facebook chats. Maybe one night you have to "work late" or one night you're "going out with the guys," but really you're just at home by yourself, thinking about The Wire, a.k.a. that super hot chick you met at the bar the other night.
But then I caught episodes two and three of Season 6, and, surprisingly, they weren't so bad. Granted, I wasn't paying the utmost attention to them, but I like how there hasn't been a real client yet, with Michael's actions this season being solely dedicated to getting Fiona out of prison and his episode-by-episode missions revolving around that. Burn Notice seems to be making an effort to make a change, which is like your girl surprisingly saying, "Forget that restaurant, let's try that new sushi bar over by the pier tonight," and you're so shocked and relieved that you don't really even ask questions. She's got a new haircut, some new threads, and a nice new pair of heels that accentuate her finely toned calf muscles. You're intrigued.
So just when you decide you're ready to finally break it off, you decide to dive back in, albeit a bit halfheartedly. You're going to see how long things stay fresh for, all the while aware that this thing still probably isn't destined to work out. But you'll give it a chance. And hey, if you're lucky, maybe there'll be a peaceful resolution. Maybe before you rip the rug out from under her she'll realize it's time for things to come to an end, and you can hug or shake hands and each walk in the opposite direction, thankful for those comfortable and sporadically entertaining years, but more excited for the shows -- err-- people, that you'll meet down the road.
Burn Notice airs at 9/8c on Thursdays on USA Network.
gregpayne0@gmail.com
@Greg_Payne
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